This winter, I once again hit the neighbor’s fence while backing out.
I ran into it a few months prior, but the car managed to escape mark free. I told them we would replace the dinged up board, but luckily we hadn’t yet, because this winter I hit it again.
Anyways, this time the car took the brunt of the collision and an array of scratches and chipped paint covered the front right side.
The kids are used to this type of event (this will be clear in the list you are about to read), and even resulted in my daughter lining up miniature traffic cones along the edge of the driveway to keep me on track.
(For the record, I have a very tricky driveway).
I was not looking forward to telling my husband, but I wasn’t scared. He seems to exude grace for me even when I am at my most annoying and exasperating
Here is a non-complete list of things I have done that my husband has been gentle and patient about:
-Hitting neighbor’s fence with the car (1)
-Hitting neighbor’s fence with the car (2)
(An alternate title for this post could be “My Neighbors’ Grace” – thanks T and E!)
-Hitting the trash cans with his car and my car
-Hitting the side of the garage with the car
-When I accidentally bought almost $300 of final sale items for a “swim suit try on haul” and only could only get a very, very limited refund.
-Running over my daughter’s helmet (It was lodged behind my back wheel!)
-Running over my son’s bike
-Losing my engagement ring for a day (he was actually annoyed about this but not that annoyed)
-Forgetting my trunk was open and closing the garage and getting the two doors stuck together
-Accidentally giving away his favorite Under Armour shirt to Goodwill
-Losing one of my Airpods
-Losing one of his AirPods and the charging case
-Losing my whole winter coat
-Dropping and shattering a bottle of nail polish in a dark hotel room floor while the kids were trying to sleep
-Dropping and losing a $20 bill at Horrocks last month
-Locking myself out of the house and needing him to come home from work to bring a key, even after he reminds me to never lock from the inside before I leave. Something he likes to call “Best practice”.
-Losing his AirPods again after they were found the first time
-Forgetting to cancel subscriptions and having to pay for them
-Not twisting the tops closed on bottles so they fall to the floor and BBQ gets everywhere when he grabs it from the top
-Getting scammed by a travel insurance agent and losing $80
-Leaving a brand new life jacket at the hotel we were staying at and having to go back and get it
-Getting a $100 tow truck bill for driving my car directly into a ditch when I got disoriented in the snow and drove straight down a hill
-Giving him the wrong address to our daughter’s soccer practice and sending him to an incorrect park
While this list may cause some concern about my driving abilities, I have not hit a living thing with a car. Only a squirrel with a golf cart. These are mostly driveway debacles! It is tricky!
It did not take long to make that list of just a handful of frustrating things I’ve filled our life with. I asked for his help to make the list, but of course he couldn’t help much because he doesn’t hold onto them or hold bitterness against me.
I, on the other hand, lack grace for my husband in astonishing ways.
I’ve gotten mad about things like him blowing out a candle before the minimum burn time was up. “That is not optimal candle health!” I scold, in total seriousness.
Things like being later than he said from getting home from work.
Like if I register a slight annoyance to his tone
Like wearing his work boots in the house tracking mud after I swept
Or like putting the re-usable grocery bags in basement storage instead of the pantry.
Sure, a handful of his things are pretty annoying – candles should really burn 2 hours! – my list is objectively far worse and far more frustrating (and longer…my husband in shockingly un-annoying).
One of my worst qualities is my lack of grace marked by quick reactions. I often assume the worst and react emotionally over small and stupid things, and unfortunately, my kids and husband can catch the brunt of it.
Seeing the way my husband reacts to me – with grace and patience- has been like a magnifying glass to my own impatience and snippiness.
The same day I hit the neighbor’s fence, for example, I asked him to cook up the bacon for dinner because I had a virtual appointment in the basement. He decided to cook it on the skillet instead of the oven (my preference) and the house became inundated with smoke.
I came upstairs to a total smoke fest and was so annoyed and made it known. I dramatically opened the doors and windows to let in the cold winter air and made it clear with my actions that *this is why I should just do everything myself*.
A few minutes later, I remembered the way my husband reacted when I texted him about the car, just hours earlier.
Kind, loving, graceful, understanding.
There I was, trying to make him feel terrible for getting the house smokey, when he was just trying to be helpful and make dinner. I had depreciated the value of our car by probably a thousand dollars that day and all I received was grace.
Years ago, I would have doubled down on my bacon frustration and allowed my mood and pride, even seeing my own ridiculousness, to ruin the whole night.
He should have cooked it in the oven like I recommend!
But softening, sanctification, and my husband’s grace have brought me to a place I can quickly apologize, see my own sin and jokingly say, “I can ruin the car but you can’t mess up the bacon” with a bashful smile.
God’s grace, my husband’s grace, and my children’s grace has changed me. They are so quick to forgive, so compassionate and kind. They don’t assume the worst of me and my intentions.
My husband knows me. He knows I have millions of thoughts and ideas and words and plans swirling in my mind at all time. He know forgetfulness is something I struggle with and that I am always running a hundred miles an hour. He is so gracious in my weakness.
I am thankful for God’s grace. I am thankful for my husband’s grace. I hope they both continue to change me for the better.
In the time this post was sitting in my drafts waiting to be published, I had another blooper with the car. I scraped the side of it pretty badly and put a dent in the back door trying to pull out of a parking garage. As I waited to tell him, I wondered if this would be the one that finally put him over the edge. How much can one person take? I prepared mentally to trash this post.
Yet, he was gentle and gracious when we talked about it. He showed no anger, and saw how bad I already felt. Such grace.
Telling my friends this story, we joked that we still haven’t found his last straw. Does it exist? What will it take for him to finally throw up his hands? His patience with me seems endless.
I’m not sure if or when we will find that “last straw” (but if anyone can – it’s me)!
And I hope that if we do, and he sighs in exasperation when he sees a new mark on the car, or snaps at me when ketchup spills on the ground due to improper top placement, I will then be able to be full of grace for him; I mean, the guy deals with a lot.
Not perfect, but consistent – over and over and over, modeling God’s grace for me and a challenge to love everyone around me better.
I didn’t marry a perfect man, and our marriage certainly isn’t either, but wow, I married a kind man, and his kindness and grace continues to change me for the better.
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