My husband always makes sure I have the seat with a view.
At a restaurant, movie theatre, ride on a boat, spot on the couch.
He always makes sure my view is better.
He will stare at the bathroom sign or the bar cart or a brick pillar or the door to the kitchen so that I can see the lake or the ocean or the flowers or the TV or at least a little natural light.
On one brunch date, on a blisteringly hot morning celebrating an anniversary, we went to a kitschy little café that was 10 degrees hotter than I’m comfortable with. With that in mind, he positioned me right in front of the wall AC unit: the most beautiful view of all.
We celebrated 8 years in June, and if I am being honest, marriage has not been easy for us. I know people say that. But, really, it has not been easy for us.
Some of those years that have held a lot of pain, a lot of moving through cement to try make just a bit of progress. Many have a been a mixed bag of joy, and some seasons have been wonderful.
Two beautiful children, a home I love, a community better than my wildest dreams – a life beyond anything I could imagine.
But it hasn’t been easy.
In the early days of dating, “opposites attract” felt like a cute saying when it was all hypotheticals and dreaming and feelings and newness.
“He grounds me!” I said, in those early days. “It’s so good for me!”
A year or so later, after those opposites attracted and fell in love, they got married.
How quickly into marriage did that turn into, “He’s holding me back!”?
His chill, calm demeanor that I loved so much was soon viewed as “He doesn’t care about anything!”
My energy and spunk and passion for life that Max loved about me? After a little time, did it look more like unpredictable emotions and moods he couldn’t quite decipher? Highs and lows with mental illness that he never expected?
Always pushing for more out of him and more out of life?
Always asking for more.
The very things that attracted us to each other were some of our greatest stumbling blocks- as they often are in marriage.
We have both had to work very, very hard, and I often wonder why we don’t have it figured out better yet.
8 years!
Why is there still so much learning?
“Your marriage is still in elementary school,” my therapist reminded me last year.
We are just a couple second graders figuring it out.
It has felt harder than I ever expected, but as low as some valleys have been in our marriage, I always am able to come back to my husband’s kindness.
When you marry a kind man that wants to honor the Lord, it ends up okay (even when you take the two most opposite people on the planet). With our faith as a foundation, we always have enough in common to make it through.
Recently, I was at the chiropractor right before leaving for an anniversary trip with Max. The chiropractor said he likes to ask people on their anniversary what is the “secret” to staying married that many years.
Though 8 years isn’t extraordinary, what we have pushed through is.
The short answer to his question is our shared faith and commitment to the Lord.
With the Bible as our course guide and our community as loving support, it has always been enough. More than enough.
Even when there have been times I wondered what either of us were thinking.
My husband is a good man.
He listens to understand and is humble enough to admit when he got it wrong.
He never uses words to hurt.
He is the most hands-on Dad I know.
He is a kind, thoughtful, wonderful husband that would choose my happiness over his own every day.
It’s been harder than either of us thought it would be, but the people we are now look more like Jesus than they did in 2017. Isn’t that ultimately the point?
It has been a beautiful, hard, amazing 8 years.
Thanks for always giving me the seat with a view.
Romans 12:10
Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
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